Dancing Behind You
The rain pounded against the roof of the restaurant. “I’ll get the car,” my dad said, as we stood under an awning ready to leave. I did my best to shelter Max and keep him dry. Max loves to get wet in a pool, or in the shower, but one drop haphazardly landing on his clothes can throw him into a panic. My dad popped open an umbrella, and darted across the shiny street into the night.
While we waited for the car we stood beside an outdoor bar that took full advantage of the warm Florida climate. I looked inside and saw that it was desolate. There were only a few people sitting on barstools, and most of the tables were empty. It sounded like live music, so I studied the bar out of curiosity. The musician was actually just a few feet away from us. His back was to us and he was hunched over his guitar, his arms moving quickly to the song’s beat. And he was good. But when he finished, no one responded. There wasn’t a sound.
I’ve seen a lot of restaurant musicians lately. When I took Max to a new restaurant recently, I noticed the singer only because I was concerned that the live music might upset Max. She was belting out tunes as if she were on Broadway, but no one even rested a fork to acknowledge her presence. Last summer, when my dad and I stopped for a quick meal on the way to a radio program, a silk-clad singer approached our table and immediately emptied her lungs. Her voice was lovely, but her timing was not. My dad and I needed to talk, and we couldn’t. Neither could anyone else in the restaurant. When she finished her song, a little chirp of applause came from scattered points around the room, like crickets.
Here we were again with another musician giving his very best, and yet there was not a spec of feedback from anyone in this outdoor Floridian bar. I held onto Max and studied this musician from the back. How does he feel when he goes home at night? I wondered. Does he love playing music enough to live without acknowledgment for his work? Will he tell his wife that it was a good night’s work, or will he roll his eyes like a 13 year-old girl?
Sometimes I feel like that restaurant musician. All of us wrestle with this at some point in our lives. We work hard. We exercise discipline. We make sacrifices. And then we don’t get any feedback. We begin to wonder…does it matter? Am I making a difference? Does anyone notice? I often see these ponderings sweep across the lives of those of us who parent special needs children. We’re tired, and often isolated; we could really use a cheering section sometimes. But even when there isn’t an audience in front of us, we have to keep playing the song God has written for our lives, and in our hearts. Because, as I would discover this night with Max, we don’t always see the impact our lives have on others.
A crowd of people had now gathered under the awning, all of us waiting for the rain to stop. We watched from behind as the musician began to play an old Cat Stevens song, the crisp notes hanging in the humid air before spilling across the emptiness of the bar in front of him. Quite suddenly, lightness came over Max body, and his arm slipped from my gentle grip. He shuffled into the middle of the crowd and stood just inches behind the musician. And then Max began to dance, as he does so easily. His arms were out to the side like a huge bird and he hopped on one foot to the beat of the music. The crowd immediately stepped away creating a perfect circle around him, giving Max more room, and them a better look. Max was luminous, floating in the milky light, while the smiles and laughter of the spectators willed him on.
The musician ended the song and began to play another without as much as a pause. I’m sure he assumed that, once again, no one had noticed. But the crowd behind him erupted. There were cheers and whoops and applause. Everyone under that awning was overcome by the music of the moment. The musician stopped playing and looked up from his guitar. I could see him searching the empty bar in front of him. Finally, he turned all the way around to find a cheering crowd behind him. And he smiled.
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29 Responses to “Dancing Behind You”
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Emily
The part were you say you feel like the musician, with little acknowledgement- You should have heard what I heard today. I had lunch with Ruth Fobes. She is friends with my Bible study leader and was visiting. During lunch you came up and what praises she had for you. How giving and loving you are with Max. She told us about Max’s grandpa car and how you turned the seat into a chair for him. She had us all wanting the book by the time she was done. I want to hear you speak too.
So please now how you are not only touching your sons life but all those who are around you are being touched by your wonderful example of loving as Christ loved us.
Hope to get to meet you some day.
God Bless
Colson recounts the breakdown of her marriage when Max was only 18 months old. Although the father later formed a strong relationship with his son, it appears that the intensity of Max’s early needs wedged the couple apart.
I am maxes step sister of twenty years… Emily you have some nerve portraying maxes father as a man who could not handle max….deep down I no you are ashamed and embarrassed by the remarks you have made about my stepfather and furthermore i must say this is not very Christian of you. My stepfather stepmother sister and brother have been there for max since he was two years old it is disgusting that you have painted is Picture of you raising max all by yourself
I’m an old lady and I felt obligated to read your book because so many of my friends are going through similar problems with their children and grandchildren. However, I found your words opened to me the doors of my own struggles. Thank you and thank you to your dad for his wonderful integrity and loving mission to the world’s discarded.
God bless you and yours,
Midge Whitson
Houston, TX
What a great story Emily! As someone that has been one of those musicians that sings with no acknowledgment in a restaurant I can tell you that that He was very blessed by the response he got from Max and the crowd. That was a God moment on many levels! What a son you have!!
+1
Dear Emily,
I came to hear you at Iron Sharpens Iron in Hartford, CT. My Pastors Wife and I went together to hear you. I have two Autistic children. Both on the spectrum. My daughter who is the oldest and 16 almost 17 in Dec. Has Neurological Impariments as well. She is high functioning and to look at her you wouldn’t know that there was a thing wrong with her. She looks completely normal. But when you hang around Megan you know in not to long that something isn’t quite right. She is very immature for her age and is very easily obsessive with needing new peoples attention. She will cling to them as if she owns them. And in fact does that with family members too. So we have to interfere quite a bit with her and tell her that remember we all have our personal bubble that can’t be popped. OF course it is as if I am talking to a wall and will never get those words back. But I say them none the less in hopes that maybe one day something will sink in. She does listen most of the time, but sometimes it takes a while. Her full diagnosis. PDD-NOS, Neuro-Impairmnts-Exe Funct., Non-verbal learning disability, SI, ADD, OCD, TBI( 4 years ago this March.) She is always angry and never satisfied, and always right. She always wants me, ( I’m the softer touch, She pushes her Dad away, there is a longer story there, if we had time for coffee I would tell you.) Her Dad is a good Father, and has admittedly blown it in the past, and is trying to make things right now, but no going as far as Megan is concerned. It is very hard for my husband to see how his very bad choices came back to bite him later with her. He is not Super Dad, but he is super at trying to humble himself before his children and God and make things right that were wrong. It is going to take a long time to make things right. And a lot of prayer. So pray for him and for me. It is tough on the whole family.
Our youngest is 11 years old. He is PDD-NOS, OCD, ADD, But is extremely intelligent and loves the Lord and people. Michael is easy to love. He wants to please in the worst way. He will do anything to help or serve. He helps me out becasue I have some health issues that I require some assistance and if Daddy is not around to assist me, HE comes a running. Mamma, Can I help you? Smiling all the while. He is my sunshine. I could just go on and on about how this young man brightens my day. I think the Lord gave us Michael so that we wouldn’t think that we were the most failed parents in the world and that we were the most unloveable parents in the world. Because Michael just oozes love to us.Where as with Megan we don’t get that from her.
If I could ask this.
I live in Rocky Hill, CT and I would be willing to drive to Massachussets to meet you somewhere for dinner and just talk with you about how you handled the spiritual aspect of Max’s life. I don’t where Megan is with the Lord, Michael I do. He is a growing Christian.
Would you be available for meeting me? You can check me and do all that you need too. I am aware of the need for that. But I assure you I am clean and love the Lord with all my heart. And would love you and bless you. I love your Dad as well. I love your Max too, what a winner he is!
Blessings in Christ,
Sharon Griswold
Emily,
I saw you on FoxNews Labor Day weekend and when
I saw your son jumping with excitement as he greeted the members of the congregation, I broke down in tears like a baby! Lol! My husband had to calm me down. Of course, they
were tears of joy. My son is Autistic and is 6 years old. He loves the time in church when our Pastor has everyone to greet a neighbor or two. Thank you for sharing your story!!! There are no limits to what our children can do.
What a beautiful story. I just saw your piece on Huckabee (online clip) at the urging of my mother-in-law. I cried with understanding. God bless you! I have two little boys on the spectrum.
You will never know how much you helped me, during your interview on fox. Your statement live like today is the last day of your life. God tells us not to worry about tomorrow. The way you put it, is so simple and really helped me. You never know how much the smallest thing you say can impact a person’s life.
My wife saw you on Mike Huckabee’s show and told me about your blog.
There have been very few things that have inspired me recently to the depth that your stories have…….Thank you!
What a wonderful story! I am a mother of a special needs son too. How you explained how life makes you feels was so enlightening. Thank you for sharing!
What a great story Emily! As someone that has been one of those musicians that sings with no acknowledgment in a restaurant I can tell you that that He was very blessed by the response he got from Max and the crowd. That was a God moment on many levels! What a son you have!!
Blessings and love,
Deb
Emily – I’ve never left a message for a blog so I’m hoping this works. I’m part of a national group who find little and big ways to support, enhance, develop community for people with disabilities. We do this through the work of microboards (small board of directors, or formal circle of support) I have a son with autism and his microboard has been a great source of support and love and strength. Please watch our video on the website to learn more. I watched your talk when you were in Barrington IL and I saw a direct connection between my work and your ministry! What gave me the push I needed to get in touch with you today was a call from a counselor of a prison who wants to help people living that system to go out into the community. I remembered your Dad (well, that was easy, my husband is a HUGE Nixon fan) and figured I’d better follow up on on this. Please watch our video, it doesnt have a lot of glitz and glam, but I think you’ll get at the heart of what we’ve been doing the last 4 years and what was started by Dave and Faye Wetherow in British Columbia 20 years ago. We’re making some beautiful connections. I hope we can talk with you about this some time soon.
Dear Emily, you’ve touched my soul in a very special way tonight. I just watched your segment on Huckabee and immediately looked up your website, book and blog. I too have a son with ASD and have recently felt, just as you described, isolated and alone, unsure of what my significance in life is, how I can make a difference in this world, how I can be the best mother and advocate for my son. I was so moved by your optimism, your drive and your faith. I’m a follower of Christ too, but these last few years have really put my faith to the test. As I write, tears are clouding my eyes… because although we’ve never met, I feel a sense of connection. You’ve put into words what i have struggled to voice. You write so eloquently and can’t wait to read your book. I’ve always been a big fan of your father and came to know him through the admiring eyes of Dr. Bill and Vonette Bright of Campus Crusade for Christ, whom I assisted about 11yrs ago.
God had me watching tv at just the right time…to be introduced to your story and Max’s. What a GREAT, GREAT mom you are!
Thank you for ministering to me so deeply.
Sincerely,
Margo
I just saw you on Huckabee.I have a friend with a severely autistic daughter and I know your book will be a blessing to her and many others. Thank you so much and God bless!
Dear Emily,
Saw your interview at CNN w Gov. Huckabee. Wonderful you had the gift of complete understanding and communicating with special kids. As a father of an autistic kid myself, i now tried my very best to “listen” to my kid and it’s true i appreciated how special they are in their own way. keep up the good work. I’m so inspired.
Emily, A blessing of the internet is that when I was touched by your interview this evening on Huckabee, I was able to “find you” online and be blessed again. Thank you for sharing your heart and encouraging me. Blessings to you.
I realize everyone is writing to you acknowledging how great a writer you are, (which I agree). But what brought me to tears was the pure honesty of what you wrote. My son has autism too, and I can’t tell you how awesome it is to have an all consuming feeling of love and pureness when everyone around him feels his pureness for the “simple” things in life!!! It IS one of the best things ever!!! Autism is a very complex thing… It can be a gift to teach us to slow down and enjoy things in small parts…..
I was reading this and you made me cry. I sometimes feel like that musician, giving as much as I can and not knowing if I’m making a difference in my sons life, he is also autistic and is a teenager now and he has been having a difficult time dealing with his emotions since that he is not able to communicate what he is thinking, he is verbal but chooses not to say much. My only wish for him is that people would respect him just like any other person, just like anyone else and hopefully they would accept him and won’t isolate him or hurt him,the day that I won’t be around to take care of him. And of course that someday we could find a cure or how to prevent that other children would be diagnose with autism.
Emily,
Thank you for your gracious words. God has not only given you a wonderful love and tenderness for your son, but a wonderful way with words. What blessings. Keep them coming.
Dear Emily;
I just saw you on Fox with Governor Huckabee. What a neat story. They flashed your blog and I came over. I know what it is like to have a child that people stare at. Our precious son David was born with a very rare form of dwarfism. His heels were the size of erasers on the top of a pencil. His head was huge. WHen we got him his birth mom couldn’t stand to look at him. We were so blessed to adopt him. SO many hopes and dreams for David. 13 months later in the blink of an eye he died. Our dreams died that day. A dear friend years ago had a son who had autism and hubby and I spent one day a week helping to exercise his body. She was a widower and our congregation came alongside of her to help. I am thankful Max has a body of believers who embrace his uniqueness.
God Bless,
Jill Roper
Hi Emily,
Just finished watching you on the Huckabee show.
What an inspirational story you have to tell. As the father of five kids, I know how much you invest yourself into your kids wellbeing and how they hold your feelings hostage forever. You are a remarkable woman.
Best Regards
Loren
I just received my copy of Dancing with Max, I am already on chapter 9. I also have an autistic son named Curtis. Curtis is 13 now. He was diagnosed at the age of 16 months, which I have now learned is almost unheard of. I think the early diagnosis is what has helped him make such progress. He went from a speechless child to the young man he is today who will talk your ear off. He still struggles socially and probably always will. I have always wanted to write a book about our lives, I shouldn’t be the only lucky person who gets to share Curtis’ accomplishments!! I started keeping a notebook of his funny little quirks that I call “Curtis-isms”. He has a talent for drawing that you would not believe. If I could, I would attach some of his artwork for you to see. Sorry to ramble, but I just wanted to say I LOVE your dad and have for years! And I wanted you to know that I am with you here in “OUR” struggle. That struggle all of us “autism moms” face!
Beautiful! Your Max brought life to dead bones.
Wow….you are such a talented writer, Emily. I felt like I was right there feeling the rain, hearing the music and watching Max dance!
Aw, Thanks Katie! You are so kind!
Thanks for reading this story. It was a perfect moment!
Emily
so fun to read the story! thank you for your words…it is so easy to make a picture in my head of the whole thing! Praise Him with the Dance!!!!
Bless you and hope that all is well!
Miss you,
Donna
Thank you Donna!
Yes, Praise Him with the Dance!!
I miss you too!
Emily
Emily – you know how to tell a story – a real gift. You continue to open our eyes, our imaginations and give us smiles, cause us to pause, and convict our hearts. Thank you for sharing your gifts of grace with us.
Thank you Mariam!!!
God gives me a lot of wonderful material with Max!
Blessings, Emily